Playing in the dirt

At the beginning of this year, I really felt that 2011 would be a great year.  Even better than the year before! Impossible! 2010 was an amazing year. It was the year that I witnessed the birth of my baby boy. What could be better than that? All I knew was that 2011 was going to be a big year of change. I wasn't sure exactly what kind of change but change non the less. For some people, change can be a frightening thing. Not knowing exactly what's waiting for you around the corner can be a scary thing. It can send some into a fit of worry and panic. Not me. I love change. I look at it as an opportunity to see things from a different perspective. To lean something new and to grow as a person.

This past week has been quite interesting to me. I've discovered something new about myself. I'm beginning to fall in love like with gardening. Ironic, right? You'd think that since my husband, the FARMER, makes his living working the earth, planting seeds, taking care of the vegetables as they come along and then finally harvesting them, that I would somehow have a natural knack for it as well. Not so much. I have 2 brown thumbs, literally and figuratively.

You know how they say opposites attract, well described that saying to the letter. He LOVES the outdoors and farming and I'm happy that he does as long as I don't have get dirty. He loves the summer (because he gets to "play" in the dirt) and the yucky heat it brings and I would be content living in the North Pole! I know, it's strange hearing a black girl from the beautiful island of Trinidad profess her love for winter. But summers to me, particularly icky, sticky, humid Canadian summers are just inhumane. I avoided going outside unless I really had to. Until last Monday. Monday everything changed.

We moved into our home about a year and a half ago. Prior to that, I would drive by the house every day for 3 and a half years and admire it. The previous owners of the house took such care and pride it the landscaping. The grass was always a healthy green and cut to the perfect length. The 3 gardens were always nicely kept without any weeds in them. That was until we moved it. Hubby is much too busy with the farm to take care the gardens and I'm horticulturally challenged! Brown thumbs, remember?

In my defense and not having any experience with gardening whatsoever, shortly after we moved into our home, we welcomed our baby boy and as far as I was concerned, he was my number one priority. So the gardens moved to the very bottom of my list. Actually it didn't make the cut. This year, however, it began to bug me. Really, really bug me. The weeds had basically overtaken the gardens and aside from the fresh cut grass and the cars outside the house, you'd think that the place was abandoned. So I ventured outside at 1:15pm while my little man was asleep and began pulling at the weeds. I just kept going at it until finally they were in a huge pile on the ground behind me. I stood up and took a deep breath. It felt good. Really good. I walked over to the second garden and started at that one too. But then I saw a half dozen bees and backed off cause getting 1 bee angry at you is hard enough. Getting 6 bees angry is a trip to the emergency room.

As I looked at what I had done, and the feeling of complete and utter joy and satisfaction my mind slipped back to January 1, 2011. Me gardening. Maybe this was some of the change I felt was going to occur this year. Sure it's not that big of a deal for some people who have been doing this for years. But for me, it was huge. In some way I've felt my new found like for this new hobby, has brought my husband & I closer than before. I feel like I'm now beginning to truly fully understand that part of him. That love for planting, cultivating and harvesting. It's awesome!

I no longer hide inside during the hot summer days. I'll instead have fun outside playing in the dirt. What a change!

Two mothers

Adoption has been on my mind lately. More specifically parenting as an adoptive mom. Like any other parent, I think about my son and his future. I think about what his first day of school would be like. I can actually see him bravely letting go of my hand and walking into the school yard, maybe looking back to say goodbye. I wonder about who his first friend would be. How would his first day of school go? Will he listen to his teacher? Will he be the outgoing kind or the shy kind? 


Then I begin to think about what would his views of his adoption be? Sure we adopted him as a newborn, hey I even got to cut his umbilical cord, but will he ever feel like he doesn't belong? Like an outsider? Not that we plan on ever saying or doing things to make him feel like he doesn't belong because in our eyes and our hearts, he is ours. No doubt about it! 


One of the great things about adopting today is that there are a lot of resources, classes and people who are in place to help you along the adoption process. One of the things we learned in one of those classes was that no matter how loving a family you are, all adoptees will at some point in their life, feel a sense of abandonment and rejection. Now we've all dealt with abandonment and rejection at some point in our lives. It could be from being excluded from a group of friends at school or the feeling of rejection when the first guy you've ever really liked suddenly ends the relationship. You're completely devastated at first but eventually you get over it. You make new friends and you meet someone who loves you just as much as you love them. Usually we're able to get pass these feelings by confiding in our family and friends. Think back to when you were a child and you fell and hurt yourself you wanted no one else but your mom because somehow, she can make things better. My little man does this. He looks to me for comfort because to him I'm his whole world. I'm the only one who he'll give real kisses to...for now.


But what happens when he's older and able to grasp the concept of adoption? We're blessed to live a country where the beauty of inter-racial coupling is embraced. As a matter of fact and strangely enough, my siblings and I have all married outside of our race. My younger brother and his wife will soon welcome their first child who will have features from each of them making what I'm sure will be a beautiful baby. We also have friends who are of different races and have children who are a wonderful mix of the two. What happens when he begins to question how come he doesn't look like me? He certainly looks more like his daddy. They both have beautiful blue eyes and blond hair. Aside from daddy's farmer's tan, they have the same skin colour. He'll see that something isn't the same. That our family isn't the same as others and he certainly will have lots and lots of questions for us.


We've always planned on telling him that he's adopted and about his birth mom. In fact, I hope we are able to have many visits with her so that he can get to know her as well. Already I can see some of her personality traits through him. I can see her focus and determination in him, as well as her fearlessness, traits that I've admired most about her. She could have easily chosen to parent him herself and would have had the family support if she decided to do so. But she knew that no matter what good intentions she may have had, she just couldn't and was determined to find parents who loved her son just as much as she does. Her mom supported her decision to plan an adoption for her baby, even though it would mean seeing her first grandchild grow through pictures and email updates.


A friend of mine suggested that I watch this tear jerker movie called "Like Dandelion Dust". I felt myself torn throughout the movie because I could see things from both sides. There's a quote near the end of the movie that pretty much summarizes our particular adoption story, as each adoption is uniquely different from another. The birth mom, Wendy Porter (played by Mira Sorvino) asks that the adoptive mom, Molly to do something for her..."I would like Joey to know that he has two mothers; one that loved him so much that she couldn't let him go and one that loved him so much that she had to." This is what I'd like my son to know. During the times when he's struggling with feelings of abandonment and rejection, I will be there to remind him that his birth mom loved him so much that she had to let him go and I love him so much that I'll never let him go. Because it is after all, the truth.

Do what you know. Do what you love.

Have you ever worked somewhere you really hated? I mean you don't just dread Monday mornings. Every day you're practically dragging yourself out of bed. Forcing yourself to wake up. You get to work. Do your thing. Make nice with the few co-workers you like. Continually checking your watch to see when you could take your lunch break and then counting down to check out time. You bolt out the door relieved but that's short lived because you know you'll be starting the entire process all over again tomorrow.

That was me two years ago. I hated my job. Not because of the people I worked with but because it wasn't what I wanted to do. I didn't enjoy my job. I felt stuck in a job that I didn't enjoy, feeling the life being sucked out of me. I read a quote from Oprah Winfrey that described the way I felt to the "T". She said, "You can be certain that if you invest all your time in work you don't care about, your spirit will die." Sadly, that was me.

John F. Kennedy said, "People do best what comes naturally." All my life, the one thing I've always wanted to be was a mom. Until 13 months ago, that "dream job" was just that a dream. Now that I'm a mom, doing what I've always wanted to do, I feel more alive that I've ever felt. I finally feel like my husband does when he's out in the field checking on the vegetables or on the tractor tilling the soil...he loves it. It's what he's always wanted to do. He is best at what he does because he loves it.

So what about you? Are you doing what comes naturally to you? Are you living the life you were made to live? Or are you just going through the motions of life while your spirit slowly dies? Take the time to examine where you are and what you're doing. Live life to the fullest. Do what you know. Do what you love.

LOL

This morning I watched as my little man laughed hysterically as he tried to close the lid on a baby wipes container and it shooting back up. He did this over and over again, each time seemingly laughing harder and harder. It made me think, when was the last time I had a really good laugh? I mean a genuine laugh where I laughed so hard my face hurt.

As we get older, it seems that we've become so preoccupied with life that we forget to enjoy life to the fullest. We get bogged down with our jobs, school, bills, mortgage, etc that we forget to enjoy ourselves along the way. Get outside and go for a walk. Go down a slide in a park and squeal with joy. Spend time with people who lift you up and bring you joy.

Take the time today to enjoy life and laugh because according to Milton Berle, "Laughter is an instant vacation."

I wanna be an elephant

Every day for the past 5 years I've gotten an email in my inbox with a featured word of the day, article of the day, today in history, today's birthday and quote of the day. Sometimes the emails are of interest to me. Sometimes, not so much.


Today's email was a hit! Especially the article of the day. It was about Elephant intelligence. Ever since I was 7 years old and got to ride on an elephant when a circus came to Trinidad, I've loved elephants! Elephants and polar bears! Love them! Today's article made me love them even more. 


We've always heard that elephants have a tremendous ability to remember things and people. But did you know that they also have the incredible gift of empathy. According to this article, if an elephant is hurt, members of their herd, as well as other elephants not a part of the injured elephant's herd, will stop to assist it. Kind of like the parable of the Good Samaritan.


Elephants also have a deep sense of family and always look out for the other members in their herd. They can only be separated by death or capture. Check out this story.
"Cynthia Moss, an ethologist specialising in elephants, recalls an event involving a family of African elephants. Two members of the family were shot by poachers, who were subsequently chased off by the remaining elephants. Although one of the elephants died, the other, named Tina, remained standing but with knees beginning to give way. Two family members, Trista and Teresia (Tina’s mother) walked to both sides of Tina and leaned in to hold her up. Eventually, Tina grew so weak she fell to the ground and died. However, Trista and Teresia did not give up but continually tried to lift her. They managed to get Tina into a sitting position, but her body was lifeless and fell to the ground again. As the other elephant family members became more intensely involved in the aid, they tried to put grass into Tina’s mouth. Teresia then put her tusks beneath Tina’s head and front quarters and proceeded to lift her. As she did so, her right tusk broke completely off, right up to the lip and nerve cavity. The elephants gave up trying to lift Tina but didn't leave her; instead, they began to bury her in a shallow grave and throw leaves over her body. They stood over Tina for the night, and then began to leave in the morning. The last to leave was Teresia."

These elephants not only stayed with the injured Tina, they also continually tried to lift her up. They never give up. How many of us can say we've been a Trista or Teresia to someone in our life? We've all been disappointed by someone in our lives before. Sometimes, they've disappointed us more than once. More than twice. In those moments of disappointment, are our first thoughts to keep lifting up the person who has disappointed us? Maybe. Most likely not. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time and you're outta my life. But that's not what Jesus wants us to do. He wants us to turn the other cheek when someone slaps you and to forgive seventy times seven. Don't give up on them. They may drive you crazy. But don't give up on them.

We could all learn from Trista and Teresia.

It's not my fault...it's God's

So I was told by my friend G, that I'm too long winded on my FB statuses and suggested that I should start a blog. So here I am.


So I was checking out an article on People.com that was talking about Justin Bieber's comments regarding abortion to which the Biebs replys "I really don't believe in abortion. It's like killing a baby?" I got to tell you, those few words stirred up quite a few responses. One of those response stuck out for me. This particular person (person A), was so angry at the comment made by another's (person B) remark about God being the one responsible for babies being born and those people who believed in abortion were going to Hell.


Here's what person A had to say in response to person B:
"you are delusional, a baby is made by a man and woman having sex and their sperm and egg meet and attached together, its called science not god! and lady, a woman can abort if she chooses its not murder otherwise it would be illegal. woman do not need to read or listen to preachers like you, after all if god as you say created life then why didn't he hit the nail on the head when abortions first came to light? ever asked yourself that? if god is real, he'd stop humans killing each other full stop! but no, he hasn't solved cancer, he hasn't stopped the war, those poor children around the world are dying of aids and where is god? exactly!"


Wow, huh? I'm always curious to know how anyone can look at the mountain ranges, the beauty of seas, the awesomeness of a sunrise or sunset and think, that was not done by God. Someone greater than ourselves could not have possibly made these great things. Right? True, it takes a man and a woman having sex and their sperm and egg coming together to form a baby. But if that were true and science was the only way a baby was made, then there wouldn't be couples suffering infertility. Then person A goes on to ask where was God when abortion first came to light. Or why doesn't God stop us from killing each other in war or otherwise. Or why hasn't He gotten rid of cancer or AIDS? 


Why is it that people tend to blame someone else when things don't go their way, or when they get caught with their hands in the cookie jar? Why is it that our first instinct is to point the finger at someone else? Why haven't we learned to take responsibility for our actions? To own up to our mistakes? To say "I'm sorry" when we've wronged someone? 


We were all made with the will to choose. When we wake up in the morning, we choose what  we eat. We choose what clothes we wear. We choose our jobs. We choose who we love. In fact, the freedom of choice is one of those things that we in North America value. We hate having our ability to choose taken from us. Which is why we have so many freedoms. Freedom of Speech. Freedom of Religion. Freedom of the Press. Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy. Freedom to blame someone else when we mess up. Once we've run out of people to blame for our shortcomings, we turn to God to blame him. It's God's fault that there are starving kids in the world. Not the corrupt governments who steal from the pockets of the poor to make themselves rich. It's God's fault that there are some many wars. Not the stubbornness and close minded people who believe that their way is the only way. It's God's fault that my marriage failed or lost my job or can't seem to connect with my kids. Not the fact that I put down my spouse every chance I got or was constantly slacking off at work or spent more time doing "important things" than spending time with my kids. Nope. It's not any of those things. It's got to be God's fault. How can that be? 


God doesn't demand that we do things His way or else. God has given us the choice to choose. We have the choice to choose whether we want to serve God or not. My experience has been when I serve God, things go better than if I had tried to control things myself. So when will we stop blaming God for the things that we have chosen to do? When we do that, what will we find?


Perhaps it's not God's fault after all, is it?